|LIVE! Except for those losers who don't live in the East.|
The little nephew said, "Emily didn't pick you!" and Sean tried to remember he doesn't know his own strength as his grip tightened around the boy's neck.
First Cathy with the beautiful hair shows up. We all knew that Cathy is super silly, yet super serious, but we didn't know that this mathlete played football with the boys in sixth grade and was a cheerleader in high school. This won Sean's award-winning father over big time. Mom was a little skeptical though because she wanted to see "that passion". If you're looking for "that passion", Sean Mom, let me refer you to this photo:
Sean Dad was more concerned to know if Cathy "believes in the Bachelor process." Cathy said she was skeptical at first - and who wouldn't be with that 12% success rate - but is now "consumed" with Sean. Please note the definitions of consumed: to destroy, use up, eat, drink, devour, spend wastefully, absorb, and engross. Not exactly how I'd describe feelings about my significant other. But what do I know?!
|Sean and AshLee with That Passion.|
Next up is Lindsay. ABC decides to replay the voice clip of Sean saying that he hopes his family will provide "clarity" for him. Granted, "clarity" is his word of choice so maybe this wasn't a recycled clip. Sean's family cut to the chase with Lindsay and said that it took a lot of nerve for her to meet Sean in a wedding dress. "And a lot of champagne!" Lindsay quipped. Just what every mother wants to hear! I also can't help but wonder how much champagne she downed before meeting Sean's family, that baby voice sounds a little slurred. The rest of the date went boringly well and she told Sean's dad that her relationship with his son was "real and normal", which I completely disagree with. There is nothing "normal" about a relationship on the Bachelor.
After the commercial break Sean reminds us, again, that he hopes his family will provide "clarity." You know, in case you missed that the other two times it was said. Sean has a heart-to-heart with his sweet mother and they go for a walk because she's crying over legitimate fears that her son is in love with two girls and by the end of three days is going to propose to one of them. Relax, Mom! Just because they get engaged on the Bachelor doesn't mean they actually spend the rest of their lives together.
Back with the live studio audience, Chris Harrison reminds us that this is a three-hour long finale, in case you forgot how much time you're wasting, and that there is late-breaking news about Sean's "status." Apparently Sean must have just changed his Facebook relationship status from "It's Complicated" to something that can create the Most Beautiful Moment in Bachelor history.
Back to the non-live part of the show, Lindsay and Sean relax on a boat. She plays games with him, such as "imaginary binoculars", like she would when she's substitute teaching. Lindsay said, "I love you. I've never meant it so much." Sean replied with a romantic, "I know."
|By the way, thank you ABC and my iPad for these screenshots.|
|Next up: Peek-a-boo.|
|Handwriting of a substitute teacher.|
Sean is meeting Cathy for their date. They wear color-coordinated (a sign?) clothing and there was lots of giggling. Cathy certainly got the better date because she rode on an elephant, something I can say firsthand is a wonderful experience. Riding on an elephant is a bittersweet memory for me. Sweet because it is so cool and bitter because I am pretty sure when I was little that I just dreamed that I rode an elephant. It's so clouded in my mind that I can't tell if it's an actual memory or just a really adherent dream. Wait... was it a donkey that I rode in real life??? Yeah... pretty sure the elephant was a dream. Either way, elephants are awesome.
Now I can confirm that in sixth grade, my first year of going to a school that didn't require uniforms, that I got a pair of "elephant bells" from Ross. The pants were about as flared at the bottom as Sean and Cathy's elephant pants. Once I got to my school I realized that just because Marcia Brady wore pants like that, didn't mean children in 1998 did. So, Awkward Young Chalayn wore the same over-sized navy blue fleece zip-up every day instead.
The evening part of their date was filled with emotional turmoil for Cathy. She finally went out of her comfort zone and told Sean that she loved him. In between her working up the courage to tell him, she and Sean embraced, and ABC dubbed in heartbeat sounds. She said, "I love you." and Sean replied with "Thank you for today." Ouch.
Oh, look, it's Chris Harrison again! Yep, the show is still three-hours long. Still the finale of the Bachelor. Still a big announcement coming up....
Now back to Sean in a towel walking around his room and rubbing his body with imaginary lotion. His buddy Neal Lane shows up and they look at sparkly rings. The women are getting dressed, Lindsay wrapping herself in a tin foil dress like she's corn on the cob, and Cathy put on a gold dress with some unfortunate stitching on her butt.
A vehicle pulls up and out comes......! Lindsay. "Today is the best day of my life. Today is the day that I'm gonna get engaged." She slowly walks in her heels and tight dress over to Sean. He starts sweet-talking and then says "but...." Sad story short, she took her heels off and he walked her to the car. She had a similar "this always happens to me" a la One Arm Sarah moment, but she stayed classy. Much classier than I expected a woman with the accent of a three-year old to behave.
|Just one last time with his shirt off.|
|Catherine loves blinking as much as Sean loves clarity.|
|A beautiful moment... and some weird butt stitching.|
|It really was a nice ending and a good season.|
When we find out the breaking news status update! "America's most popular couple" (even more popular than Brangelina and Kimye?!) come out to celebrate their engagement with "all of America"! And they announce that they're going to let ABC pick up the tab on their wedding and invite ALL of America to watch from their couches. Millions of women everywhere will be weeping into their popcorn bowls as Sean and Catherine provide the most beautiful moment in Bachelor history... unless Desiree has something more beautiful up her sleeve on The Bachelorette!
Next up, in May, on The Bachelorette!
Des meets 25 dreamy guys! And will Desiree's brother get out on parole long enough to ruin her chance at love again? This woman (ME) will tell all about the MOST DRAMATIC season of The Bachelorette yet!